RED

The secret agent/CIA stuff never really gets old.It could look old though if you place in guys like Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren in it. Plus place in there too that dude who played Agamemnon(did I spell that right?) in Troy, and it really looks old! And also, that dude who was in line buying the RED movie tickets looked old too. I feel like I'm entering a Jackie Chan movie(where almost all the members in the audience are like 35 or way older). These are the same guys who watched Die Hard I in theaters back in the day(and they were in their prime back then).


The leads were so in theirpost-post-primestate that Karl Urban looked young and preppy amongst 'em. Bruce Willis even called Urban(who played Cooper, one of CIA's heads), "6'1 with the cute hair..." I guess you could call his hair cute if you yourself are balding and your hair follicles aren't motivated(or stimulated, whatever) to grow(just like Willis'). Demi Moore might've left Bruce because of his lack of head hair. I think she wants her man's hair just like the head of a Viking's(perhaps like Ashton's?).


Bruce Willis really revels in roles wherein he doesn't have to do any shouting. He always wants to take it easy on his larynx. I mean, come on. Give me a scene from any of the last 10 Bruce Willis flicks where he was required to shout a lot. Man he doesn't even talk loud enough to be John McClane. His voice always seems smooth and suave. Hence, the bald guy roles.
Morgan Freeman just isn't cut out for action flicks like these. Even if he's RED(Retired and Extremely Dangerous) int his movie, he just ain't athletic enough. Helen Mirren can beat this geezer in a foot race. Plus he(Freeman) doesn't look like an 80-year old with stage 4 liver cancer(his role in the movie).


Helen Mirren really looks old in this one. I mean, she looks old when she played Queen Elizabeth. but man, time flies by so fast. For me, she kinda' looked different in a short span of time. But her accent really kicked ass!


My favorite here is of course, Mr. John Malkovich. Not only does he bring the much needed comic relief. He also embraces the old man role to the extent that he made old man synonymous to veteran killer. Add to that the fact that he did LSD for 11 years under a controlled, secret CIA program, then you really have a funny old junkie runnin' loose with the old dogs.


I wasn't really overwhelmed with this movie or anything like that. It was just what I expected. A bunch of retired CIA agents runnin' around and killin' people. Good job to John Malkovich for bein' the "glue guy" in this team. If you don't know what a glue guy is, think Scottie Pippen of the Bulls. Think Lamar Odom for the Lakers. Think Udonis Haslem for the Heat.


Offensively and defensively, they bring it to the table. Same thing with John.


My rating for this flick is 7 out of 10. If it wasn't for the glue guy, this would be a measly 6.






*image from www.scene-stealers.com

Funny People

Now where's McLovin' in this pic?

As the name of the title suggests, this flick is indeed about some funny-assed people. And since this was a Judd Apatow creation, I expected to crack up multiple times. And I did! Majority of my laughter was simulated by Adam Sandler's antics.

And also, since this was a Judd Apatow outing, I kinda' expected Michael Cera, Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill to be present. And there they were. Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen that is. 2 out of 3 ain't bad. The Superbad boys are at it again!

I found it pretty cool that Judd Apatow made a reference to Pink Floyd. Roger Waters to be exact. And this really cracked me up because what happened was, Adam Sandler and his new assistant Seth Rogen were invited to MySpace.com's anniversary party which was held at some other state so Seth and Adam flew in Adam's very own charter plane or private jet somethin'-somethin'.

Now you know those movie transitions wherein somethin' mellow is bein' played in the background while the current scene is transitioning to the next one? You know, like in the movie "Almost Famous" where the song "Tiny Dancer" was bein' played in the background while Stillwater's guitarist was bein' whisked off on a tour bus after a hard night's partyin' at some Random house in Topeka, KS?

Well it was somethin' similar to that in "Funny People" when they were goin' to the MySpace annual party. One of James Taylor's songs was being played in the background while they were boarding the private plane. Now as the scene transitioned to the MySpace party itself, there he was. James Taylor himself singin' the song that was playin' in the background.

When Seth noticed how cool it was to have James Taylor playin' at their party, the usher(or whoever that was guidin' the newly-arrived guests) said that the previous year they had Roger Waters doin' Dark Side Of The Moon. Now as a hardcore Pink Floys fan, and casual James Taylor listener, that's some funny shit right there!

I would like to say kudos to Marshall Mathers III for his acting here, but I won't. That's because he played as himself so he didn't require any method or whatever sort of acting there is. He dissed Ray Romano of the TV shows "Everybody Loves Raymond" pretty naturally, just like the real Slim Shady would!

The hidden gem here is Eric Bana, believe it or not. Who would've thought that Hector of "Troy" could be funny? I was really caught unaware. Yes, we know that he's Australian and shit, but he delivered his Australian-accented lines with conviction. Just like that Aussie croc guy who always goes, "Crikey mate!" Steve Irwin or Brady Barr or somethin'. All I know is that he's dead(R.I.P.). And he wasn't even killed by a croc! Just some stingray poisoning or something water-related. Poor croc-master.

I rate this movie 8 out of 10 just because of the fact that I love Happy Gilmore, Superbad, and Pineapple Express. Bring on the funnies!






*pic from www.thevine.com.au 

UFC 121[afterthoughts)

History was made on this one. This was more or less how this shit went down...

Brendan Schaub-Gabriel "Napao" Gonzaga

A heavyweight match-up of infinitesimal proportions. That's because I really don't give a flying fuck who wins between this match-up. As far as I'm concerned, Napao is as irrelevant as Mike Tyson is to the heavyweight division(just exaggerating of course).

But of course, like most pundits, I was pickin' Gabe to win. This hairy gorilla has one-pop KO power. His head kick of Cro Cop was heard all around the world, so I was thinking why the fuck did he stop leg-kicking at some point in the 2nd rd? Such a stupid gameplan. Schaub was bouncier and more fleet-footed, so peppering the kid with leg kicks should've slowed him down.

But no. He instead relied on his hands for that one punch KO. Bad move because he can't even tag Schaub. The kid's too fast for him. Therefore Schaub ran away with the unanimous decision V.



Tito Ortiz-Matt "The Hammer" Hamill

Apprentice meets Master in the octagon. That would be a lovely headline after this event. If you remember, Tito Ortiz was one of Matt Hamill's coaches during his stint at TUF. Good for Matt that he got all the lessons that he learned to compete inside the cage because he was the one dishing out the vicious GNP that Tito was known for when he was still dominant, and relevant(yes, I'm wondering why he's still on the UFC's roster).

Another loss for Tito. Another slew of excuses comin' up from Mr. Jenna Jamison.



Diego "Nightmare" Sanchez-Paulo Thiago

Didn't expect this one, really. I mean, Sanchez was very lackluster the last couple of outings(heck he was dissected by John Hathaway!). So I expected more of the same comin' into this fight.

But surprise, surprise! Diego looked like the Diego of old in this one. Fast-paced, relentless, and crazy(yes, he was shouting like a caveman when he slammed Paulo to the mat). I like this new and "re-dedicated" Diego. If he always fights like this, then I won't hesitate on placing some cheddar on him.



Martin "The Hitman" Kampmann-Jake Shields

Sorry to say this, but doesn't Jake look like a retard or somethin'? Plus one of the judges(I'm sure Cecil Peoples is somehow involved in this one) is also a retard for giving Shields the nod for the decision. It really sucks because the UFC wants to set up the title fight between Shields and current UFC welterweight kingpin, GSP. And the stupid refs are obeying orders from the UFC bigwigs like dogs! Shame on those sucky judges!

If you watch the fight, Jake only got the takedowns. But that's it! Kampmann was able to stand up from it anyway. Plus he busted up Shields' (retard) face pretty good. Kampmann doesn't have a single scratch(Jake Shields actually has pillows for fists). And if you watch the fight overall, it's very clear who won this shit. So I really don't get all of this crappy judging lately. It is indeed a crying shame.


Brock Lesnar-Cain Velasquez

The fight that I was actually waiting for. Even my elder bro who's not into MMA so much(he just watches if Anderson Silva or GSP is on) was waiting in anticipation for Brock Lesnar to clobber Brown Pride. Well, that was the prediction anyway. It didn't really happen though. It was the other way around.

This fight clearly shows that size doesn't matter. It's always gonna be skill/technique over strength(just like that "mind over matter" thing). Cain's wrestling is just too good(former NCAA Div.I wrestler), and he used it to stand back up(he was taken down by the monster twice if I remember correctly).

Another problem for Brock is that Cain has an unlimited gas tank. For me, Cain and GSP are the real cardio machines in this game. Shane Carwin lost steam when he was pounding on Brock. Cain didn't lose any, and was methodically picking his spots when he was doin' the pounding. Plus Brock's stand-up is really raw, so that's another department that Cain exploited.

My take on this is that Cain just watched all Lesnar tapes out there, and took in all the good things. He noticed that Randy was able to stand-and-bang('till he got clipped)with Brock so that was one area to exploit. Another was the ground-and-poundage of Carwin. He fused all these elements together, and coupled his freakish cardio with it to formulate the winning gameplan, which was what exactly went down last Sunday.

Now who's next? Junior Dos Santos could use the Cheick Kongo formula(remember when Kongo tagged Velasquez multiple times?) to end Cain's HW reign ASAP. The problem is that if push comes to shove, these wrestlers all go back to their bread and butter and take their opponents down repeatedly. If that happens, then game over for Dos Santos and we have to wait for a Carwin or a (new and improved) Lesnar to dethrone Cain(who's actually sponsored by Dethrone).

History was made tonight. That's how it went down...