The Mistress

The John Lloyd-Bea Alonzo combo never fails to deliver. I bet this was another blockbuster because I only heard about this movie through word of mouth(though I'm sure I've seen the trailer before, but it was forgotten into obscurity), and I've heard it from lots of mouths!

Rumour-mongering, better than the internet!

Now I got to watch this film on a Monday night. And the house was packed to the rafters! On a fuckin' Monday! And it wasn't even a holiday! I just love the Filipino audience!

Worth dying for? Just the audience for now.

The John Lloyd-Bea("Jobeloyd"?) loveteam I believe will only lose its lustre when they grow into old geezers. They can milk that fuckin' cow for decades to come! Believe you me. As long as people are in love and cheesy, then they can just expect the milk and make it rain! Proof of this is that the last movie John lloyd and Bea did together was "Miss You Like Crazy" which was back in 2010. Two years from now, they just picked up where they left off. It's as if nothing happened!

Though I'm sure somethin' kinky happened here.

Let me just comment about some points. The main good point, being the chemistry between the two. That's because they have plenty of romantic movies under their belts. They can cry with each other virtually at will I suppose, so acting just comes naturally.

The story's pretty cool too! John Lloyd's dad(Ronaldo Valdez) and John Lloyd(Eric a.k.a. "JD") were in love with the same chick(Bea as Sari a.k.a. "Rosario"). Well actually, Bea was only a mistress(SPOILER ALERT!) so Ronaldo Valdez's character couldn't possibly be in love with her.

But still, screwing!

So that's a really cool plot brewing right there right? But as all good things go, they all come to an end. As I've expected, this would never have a happy outcome, with all the complications of the situation goin' on.

But as you know with Filipino romantic films, even if the ending is a sad one(a.k.a. "the couple doesn't end up together"), they still managed to turn it into a smiler because of a lot of "what-ifs" being imagined by the 2 main lovers. What if they didn't break up? What if John Lloyd's dad wasn't in the picture? What if Bea wasn't a mistress?

"What If" by Babyface topped at #80 and #28 in the US Billboard and US R&B charts respectively. 

This flick gets an 8 outta 10 for the kinda' original screenplay, superb "Jobeloyd" chemistry, and for Bea showing us her cleaves and how firm it was(as shown by John Lloyd applying some pressure on it.)

Thanks!

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Pridyider

Another local movie that fell under the "horror/thriller" category this year. These things are actually gaining ground in the movie industry and there's no signs of letting up.

Just like Carlo J Caparas and his massacre flicks before. 

This flick included my good ol' friend Timmy Eigenmann's sis Andi(who's also a crush, sorry Tim!), that Angelito Batang Ama dude from Channel 2(JM De Guzman), Janice De Belen, Joel Torre, Ronnie Lazaro, Baron Geisler, that gay fag named "Bekimon" and introducing Venus Raj!

In all fairness, Venus pulled off the acting here. She looked natural!

Besides the body looking natural of course. 

The way she used the term "friend"? I liked it!

I dunno what is up with Janice and Joel. Joel is also included in this upcoming horror flick "Tiktik". And so is Janice. So I guess these two vet actors are just trying to cash in on the horror craze that's goin' on.

Good thing her "Tiyanak" wasn't involved. 

Baron Geisler once again did a superb job being a dick in this flick. Or he really is a dick in real life, that's why he looks so natural.

Plus his name's Dick in this film, so go figure.

JM De Guzman could do nothing but make himself look cute in front of the camera. that's just my opinion. He only projects his good image, but doesn't really put a premium in his acting. His career won't last long if he's just banking on his looks and not his skills.

On the other side of the spectrum is Mr. Ronnie Lazaro. He doesn't give a f*ck how he looks. He just wants to deliver superb acting to the audience. His high-pitched laugh really sounded natural.

Won't sound natural with the gun pointed at you.

As for Andi, she doesn't need any kudos for her acting. It's a given. She's an Eigenmann. Her acting skills are ingrained in her DNA.

But I just wanna' hear the bedroom voice. No acting please! 

This flick for me only deserves a 5 outta 10.

Plus 1.5 for showin' Andi's cleaves.

Overall 6.5 outta 10!

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Katy Perry, Part Of Me(3D)

This was a fun documentary to watch. Obviously, it let us witness the journey that is Katy Perry.

Who's actually Katy Hudson, but doesn't want to be associated with this lady. 

She's just a down to earth li'l kid from a hardcore Christian family-slash-traveling preacher roadshow which slaps foreheads in a very Pentecostal manner.

Firework!

I knew that after this movie, I would have more respect for Katy Perry as an artist. It's not that I don't respect her to begin with. It's just that I was always thinking that there was always this group of PR peeps responsible for her image and persona, as well as her music. I was totally mistaken. Katy Perry is the driving force behind Katy Perry.

You can all suck it big cheeses!

Actually, the alleged group of PR peeps trying to control Katy were from her previous record labels. They wanted her to be the next Alanis Morisette or the next Avril Lavigne. She was being molded into a Kelly Clarkson, or a Jessica Simosin. But she didn't want to be any of those bitches.

But Alanis was her first musical influence outside all those Christian records that they were forced to listen to. Isn't it ironic?

More respect was flowing out of me when the docu reminded me that Katy Perry had 5 #1 Singles in one album. The only one besides Michael Jackson. The Beatles weren't able to do that. Not even Elvis.

Most especially not you Madonna!

Katy Perry is THE artist of this generation. Not Lady Gaga. Not Rihanna. Not even Adele.

They just all bow down to the boobs.

Thanks to Capitol Records and the musical license and freedom that they've given Katy.

If not for them, we won't get to see one of the greatest cleavages ever! 

They believed in her direction. And that's what the other record labels should be doing. They don't know anything about music, only money. But thanks to Capitol's big bosses, we got to see Katy's pussy.

This abomination is technically Katy Perry's Pussy. 

Lots of bubbles and confetti rained down on me during the movie because of the 3D thang. But the cartilage of my ear kinda' hurt after the movie because of the 3D glasses. But it was fun, bubblegum poppy still. I loved it. Except for the parts where they showed Russell Brand. I know he's a funny douche, but he's kinda' dickish for allowing the divorce to happen. Katy was always trying to find time in her busy schedule to be with Russell. It should be Russell who should fuckin'  come to Katy.

Thanks dick!

Overall rating for this docu is a 9/10. Could be 9.5 if she at least showed us some sideboob.









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The Expendables 2

I was waiting for Bruce Lee to suddenly show up, but I just remembered that he was dead. Sorry.

No Bruce Lee, no expendables.

Instead, we were handed old(and probably worn-out) versions of Chuck Norris and Jean Claude Van-Damme. Which is not that bad, considering that JCVD was still ripped as hell, and Chuck Norris still looks kinda looks like Chuck from Way Of The Dragon.

Without the chest hair of course.

I still am thinking why they didn't let Chuck Norris play as himself in this flick. It could've gotten much more interesting.

As for JCVD, kudos to you! It's about time that you play the villain. And he really nailed the part. Even the accent of a terrorist? He's gotten that down to a tee.

Or maybe he's just Belgian. 

Jet Li shoul've gotten more air time because he literally is the slickest fighter amongst the Expendable cast. He's also the most famous!

That's if you count the Chinese audience.

So, did the producers just not have enough money to pay the guy for the whole flick? Or did the scriptwriters just run out of shit to tell? Or both?

Stallone did a wonderful job assembling this ragtag bunch of washed out 80's action stars. I was giggling like a li'l girl when I saw Dolph Lundgren, Sly, The Terminator, and John McClane all pumping slugs. The ticket money was well worth it.

Though Mr. Drago could've packed in more punches. 

Jason Statham was holding his own against these giants. His British accent still looked tough amongst the other voices.

Especially Stallone's old man, croaky voice. 

Terry Crews was there to augment the comic relief this action porn flick had. The other action stars were delivering their punch lines once in a while. But Crews was there to add to the chaos.

Anybody whose role is just to add to the chaos is a Godsend in our book. 

As for Randy Couture, he looked like a weak-ass sidekick to Terry. Everytime Terry delivers his laughlines, Randy always talks as if he's trying to top the previous joke! And they really looked like partners. You know, as soon as Terry says something, so does Randy.

I can hold my own Randy, no need for your old ass. 

Chris Hemsworth's younger sibling Liam initially tricked me. I was thinking that he was CHris Hemsworth utilizing his babyface in this movie or something. Turned out that Liam is Chris' younger sibling! Yeah, I know you're an A-Lister's younger bro and have starred in big production flicks like The Hunger Games. But you're not action-jackson enough!

As for the Asian chick, just looks like a fattened and taller Zhang Zi-Yi. Nothing new with that I guess.

All in all, this flick deserves a 7.5 outta 10.

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