NBA All-Star 2011

This annual roadshow used to be a must-see spectacle for me. It's fun to watch  all-stars and superstars go at it once in a while. But for no apparent reason, I didn't have any real interest in the all-star game itself, and this started about 5 years ago or somethin'.

Or the fact that he's retired could be that certain "no apparent reason".

The rookie-sophomore game(I wanna predict who the league's potential superstars would be) and the slam dunk contest are the only things that make me watch this spectacle nowadays. You could throw in the 3-point contest too if you want, but it's really the slam dunk contest that makes me tick! Too bad I was too young to appreciate it when Jordan and Dominique were goin' at it back in the day.

Ignorance is bliss.

In all fairness, this year's contest was one of the more entertaining ones to come along in recent years. The entertainment and creativity were up a notch, with all the props and stuff.. Everyone was pushing the envelope to the limit.

I guess you could thank(or blame) this guy.

We could therefore conclude that Vince Carter is the best dunker of 'em all because he didn't need any props or any of that shit just to be entertaining.

Floating in the air is entertainment enough for mere mortals like us.

Without further ado, this was sorta' what transpired in this year's competition...

FIRST ROUND

Demar Derozan - He had Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" doin' the intro for him. This year's competition had dunk coaches or somethin', that's why. They called the first dunk the "East Bay Area Funk Remix".

This dude does remixes way better.

Derozan's Toronto Raptor teammate(I'm guessin' it was Amir Johnson, but what the fuck was he doin' there? He ain't no all-star!) bounced the ball off of the backboard support and he caught it in mid-air and did an in-between the legs dunk. Just like what his predecessors Isaiah Rider and Kobe Bryant did.

A li'l somethin' like this, but not quite like it.

Serge Ibaka - This Congolese wasn't to be outdone by his American counterparts. He brought out an African contingent or somethin'(my guess is that they're just hired Americans) carryin' banners of African colors just to hype up the crowd before proceeding to take off from the free throw line. Now you might be thinkin' that Dr. J, MJ and Brent Barry did the same thing.But they were all steppin' on the free throw line, one way or another. Ibaka's toe was behind the line.

Cheater!

Blake Griffin - The Blake Show was coached by the loud-mouthed Kenny Smith. But this loud-mouth really had no hand in Blake's dunks. Blake's a rim-rattling sensation all by his lonesome. Smith's job is to hype the crowd while talkin' trash. And he was pretty good at it too.

Blake missed the 1st few attempts, but proceeded to complete his 360-degree dunk with the ball seeming to come from behind his head. Like a 360-degree "Gorilla Dunk".

A normal "Gorilla Dunk".

Javale McGee - C-Webb was McGee's coach, and he gave props to Dwight Howard(who was a guest commentator) because he was the first slam dunk contestant who brought in another NBA rim to dunk on.

Remember the 12-foot rim dunk?

This time, McGee just did 10 feet, but there were 2 rims, side-by-side, and he used 2 balls. What he did was he ran from the left wing, bounced one of the balls off the first backboard, dunked the ball he was carryin' in the left rim while he caught the other ball that he tossed in mid-air with his right, and threw it down on the other rim. He actually got a perfect 10 from all 5 judges for that. And that was after missin' the 1st few attempts too!

SECOND ROUND

Derozan - His 2nd dunk was dubbed "The Show Stopper" by Dawkins. It was kinda' like a side-tomahawk comin' from the right baseline, then pulling the ball from underneath and dunkin' it on the left side with authority. Quite original. The name "Show Stopper" though, was not.

C'mon Choco Thunder. You've come up with many an original nickname, but none for this?! I call bullshit!

Ibaka - Ibaka's 2nd dunk was quite amusin'. It involced a cute Asian kid with a bad haircut(a faux-hawk with lightning streaks on the side) losing his teddy bear.

Have you seen my childhood?

Turned out that the kid's stuffed toy was hangin' at the rim via a short horizontal pole and Ibaka got it usin' his mouth , then threw the rock down the rim.

Serge Ibaka during younger days.

Griffin - His 2nd dunk was just an assist by Baron Davis off the sideboard, which ended in a thunderous tomahawk jam. This was enough for him to advance to the finals.

A couple million fan votes also helped.

McGee - He had no props this time. He just ran from the left baseline, took off then dunked it while doin'  a rock-a-bye baby on the ball while takin' off, then dunked it on the other side of the rim while appearing to be fadin' away. A fade away dunk for all you jokers out there! You can't use it as a joke this time because it's been done, smart-asses! He didn't score a perfect 50 this time, but still he advances to what I call the "championship rounds".

CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND(FIRST)

Griffin - Nothin' outta' the box this time. All he did was a Vinsanity elbow dunk.

Griffin's was just a li'l longer hangin on the rim.

McGee - If he did 2 balls earlier, this time he did 3. The other extra ball, which was a WNBA ball, was given by McGee's mom(who was a former WNBA player herself), was assisted by 2010 #1 draft pick John Wall. His mom even kissed cheeks with the judges before her son dunked.

Bribery and seduction really won't work in contests like these.

CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND(FINAL)

Griffin - The NBA's official car, which was a KIA somethin', was driven onto the court for Griffin to jump on.

Not this Kia.

Well he just jumped over the hood to be more specific while Baron, who was inside the car(peeping through the sun roof) threw a pass at him. All of this was happenin' while some California choir sang R.Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".

Without the peein' of course.

McGee - Javale looks like he already gave up because there were no props this time. He managed to do a Vince Carter reverse 360 dunk, but for some reason, the refs and judges ruled it a non-dunk. So he just alley-ooped the ball to himself off the backboard on 1 side, caught the ball on the other side of the rim, and then dunked it like a donut!

Waving this and surrendering would have been easier.

And the Sprite Slam Dunk Champion is none other than the Blake Show! See you folks again next year!

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Montiel VS Donaire

Not an actual poster.

Nonito Donaire was the man last weekend, which was dubbed boxing's first big weekend of 2011. Of course, I'm a main event guy when it comes to boxing. Unfortunately, the main event lasted only 2 rounds, similar to the PacMan-Hatton fight. It was also eerily similar to how it ended, with both fighters sleeping on the canvas. Well, let's proceed with the undercard.

THE UNDERCARD

Mike Alvarado VS Dean Harrison

The night started with Alvarado stopping the Englishman dead in his tracks(in his stool actually) in 4 rounds. Harrison was just kept on his stool before the 5th round started. I don't know what's next for these guys. All I know is that Alvarado climbs up and Harrison slides down the jr. welterweight ranks.

This could determine your contender status.

Yordenis Ugas VS Carlos Musquez

 The Cuban former Olympic Bronze Medalist at the 2008 Beijing Games disposed Musquez because of his superior talent and counterpunching. The only thing was that his talent didn't prevent him from being hurt from a Musquez shot in the opening stanza. Ugas has great anticipation and timing, but his glass chin could be an Achilles tendon in the long run, so I think he won't make it to greatness. That's just my 2 cents though.

It's not art, it's a liability!

Mark Melligen VS Gabriel Martinez


Our very own Mark Melligen slugged it out in this interesting 10-round scrap to see who would take the next step towards legitimate contention. Melligen seemed to be the flashier fighter, which helped him(I think) in winning by a wide gap in the scorecards.




Mickey Bey VS Jose Hernandez


Tough journeyman Hernandez shook Bey up a bit in the beginning, though Bey seemed to befuddle Hernandez after the shake-up by using ripping combos and slick defensive maneuvers. But this wasn't enough. Hernandez is a tough nut to crack, so he ended up blemishing Bey's perfect 16-0 record.

THE MAIN CARD

Mike Jones VS Jesus Soto-Karass

This is technically a rematch from 2010. I myself haven't watched the1st fight . But from the looks of it, Soto-Karass seemed to be a rugged motherfucker. Jones opened the round by sticking and moving, landing a jab here and there. After a couple of rounds and a couple of exchanges, Soto-Karass came out with a cut over his left eye. But that didn't stop Soto-Karass from bringing the action to Jones.

This was what Soto-Karass did when he saw his own blood.

Though this was not enough because Jones just fought cautiously, saving his most vicious barrages towards the last 3 rounds to cruise to a unanimous decision victory.

With the crowd booing of course.

Nonito "The Filipino Flash" Donaire VS Fernando Montiel

I pity the fans who paid good money to see this live. It just ended in the secound round, with Montiel twitching like an epileptic via a nasty left hook to the temple. The only weird thing was that he got to stand up, and the stupid ref still let the fighters roll! But after 2 more punches, the ref realized his stupidity and stepped in to stop the contest.

I myself am no expert in refereeing. But if Montiel was twitching like that scene in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre where the dude gets smashed with a meat cleaver, then clearly the fight has to end.

It's contagious.

It was amazing that Montiel still stood up like it was morning time. But it was clear that his eyes were somewhere else.

Montiel: Artist's impression

This clearly cements Donaire's status as a top-5 pound-for-pound guy. Or top-4 even.

With this guy basically being a non-entity right now.

The Philippines has a bright future with this dude. Next stop, Manny-Mosley!




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UFC 126(Silva VS Belfort)

Antonio Banuelos VS Miguel Torres

This looked like a really lopsided match to begin with. First off, I know virtually nothin' about Banuelos, save for the fact that he's a Hawaiian Kempo practitioner and sparring partner of the legendary Iceman, Chuck Liddell. On the other hand, Torres used to be near the top of everyone's pound-for-pound list, and was also the former WEC bantamweight champ. And that was just less than 2 years ago!

Secondly, Torres stands at 5'9 while Banuelos is like what, 5'3?

Not exactly a David & Goliath  affair, but kinda' close.

The reach advantage at 13cm was ridiculous if you were watching Torres working from the outside. Banuelos had a snowflake's chance in hell to close that distance. Especially with an opponent of Miguel Torres' caliber.

The percentage of Banuelos' chances in winning the exchanges.

And this was what pretty much happened throughout the entire match. There were some bright spots for Banuelos though, where he was clippin' Torres' face when he caught him in one of his flurries towards the end of the second.

This wasn't enough though. For Banuelos just turned into Torres' punching bag on the way to a unanimous decision win for Torres.

Sort of what this girl was to Chris Brown back in the day.

His UFC debut was kinda' disappointing though. If you've watched Torres' previous fights, you would clearly see why he used to be in the top 2 or 3 in MMA's pound-for-pound listings.


Carlos Eduardo Rocha VS Jake "The Juggernaut" Ellenberger

Rocha's walkout music("Ice Ice Baby") definitely adds points to my book! I knew The Juggernaut was a beast so I knew the winner even before the fighters were intro'd.

Mr. Ellenberger

But this fight also opened my eyes to what Rocha can do to you on the ground.

He could turn you into this...

I honestly consider Rocha a ground wizard because of the way he easily controlled The Juggernaut. And he was off his back too! As a matter of fact, he almost caught Jake in a kimura that suddenly transitioned into an americana or straight arm bar or somethin' before the horn sounded. Rocha's ground game is that sick! I ain't hypin' it. It really is!

In the beginning of the second, we find Rocha turtling up and eatin' some shots. Then the fight suddenly turned into a kickboxing match all the way 'til the end of the round, which was punctuated by an Ellenberger takedown.

If I only knew that it was gonna' be kickboxing, I should have watched this guy instead.

Despite the takedown, Rocha was still on the offensive as he seemed to be slippin' in a triangle choke when the horn ended. Another testament to his ground wizardry.

Will come up with any reason just to get Gandalf in here.

The 3rd round was more or less The Juggernaut's because he controlled Rocha by gettin' a couple of takedowns in. Ellenber wins via split decision.


Ryan "Darth" Bader VS Jon "Bones" Jones

This fight has extremely heavy implications. Whoever wins automatically vaults himself into the Top 5 of the light-heavyweight division, closer to that title shot. Lucky for these fuckers because Rashad Evans, the guy who's supposed to fight current LHW champ Mauricio "Shogun" Rua for the title, just got injured during training. That means an automatic ticket to the title!

Jones is definitely Bader's most dangerous opponent to date, and vice-versa. To some, Jon Jones is the 2nd coming of Christ. This fight only cemented that notion.

Jon Jones. Semitic version.

The first round really showed how strong Jesus, err, Jon Jones was. Bader is one strong animal. But all his decorated wrestling credentials, all that NCAA Division I wrestling titles and crap, were worth shit to Jones. He was literally outgrappled.

You won't faze Bones even with a WWE credential.

I've never seen Darth Bader outgrappled, ever! There even was this TD attempt where Jones just effortlessly waived off Bader's shot.

The 2nd round was the beginning of the end for Darth Bader. I saw Bones deliver a flying elbow. A fuckin' flyin' elbow! Ridic! After controllin' Bader on the ground again, Jones pulled off a guillotine when they got tangled on the mat. Another submission victory for Bones. I told 'ya Jesus has arrived!

Behold motherfuckers, Jonny Bones!

Forrest Griffin VS Rich "Ace" Franklin

My pesky mom was too irritating for she wanted to watch Party Pilipinas instead of this once in a lifetime pay-per-view! I gave her what she wanted, and in exchange, got her to agree that I would be watching the main event. Good thing the fight lasted 3 rounds, enough time to feed my mom's insatiable appetite for noontime shows.

I mean, c'mon! Who watches this shit?!?

The bottom line is that I didn't watch this and honestly, I don't give a fuck who won.


Vitor "The Phenom" Belfort VS Anderson "The Spider" Silva

Now this is what the fuck I was talkin' about for quite some time now! Brazilian VS Brazilian. Former champ VS champ. Fastest hands in the division VS probably the fastest hands in the entire sport. Whichever way you put it, I only see Agent Smith VS Neo in this showdown. Vitor is Smith, who has already been there and done that. While Anderson, as we all know, is Neo to the UFC's matrix.

Anderson's trainer.

I've been a Vitor fan since I can remember, so I know how fast and powerful The Phenom's hands are. That's why the hopes of someone who would topple The Spider off his throne was all gone when he ate a Silva front kick, and was knocked out! I mean, who gets KO'd by a front kick?!? Unreal!

Just like this dude right here.

Now the question is, who the fuck is next? What now? Vitor was the most legit contender for the middleweight title. Almost all the previous title defenses that The Spider had were jokes! They're talkin' about a GSP superfight at a catchweight, which is totally fine with me for I'm a sucker for fights.

My type of fight.

But come on man. Anderson doesn't need to meet GSP at a catchweight. He actually needs to move the fuck up for fuck's sake!

But hey, we ain't sayin' Anderson can't cut weight.

Overall, a 9.5 outta 10 for this pay-per-view(which we technically didn't pay for). That's because of the flying elbow. And most especially, that sick front kick! And oh, just a li'l bit of trivia. Apparently, Steven Seagal taught(or perfected as Steven says) that front kick that Anderson did. Honestly, I ain't buyin' that crap!

What's that chord he's playin'?

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Tron

Thanks to 3D technology for this flick would suck without it. Seriously, I watched this flick because I just wanna play around with my depth perception, and that's it! I ain't a huge fan of the original Tron movie anyway.

The plot seems to be as thin as the soup in Oliver Twist's gruel.

The plot.

I mean, how the fuck did the dad(Jeff Bridges) manage to page his long time friend while he was in the grid?!? As far as I can recall, they didn't bother explaining this bullcrap to us. I guess the director just assumed that we were all intelligent movie-goers. Well it's the wrong assumption because guess what, people are stupid!

Can't get any more stupid than this.

As for the cast, only Jeff Bridges was of the A-List variety. Though the lead role actor looked pretty familiar. Even the Asian-looking leading lady-program thingy wasn't hot enough.

As I've said earlier, the only thing that makes this flick tick was the fact that it was shot entirely in 3D. As you know, I'm addicted to eye candy so I can't say anything bad about how the film looks like because I like it, a lot!

Overall, this film merits a 6 out of a 10 because og the reasons stated above.




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The Tourist

After watching this movie, the name Alexander Pearce would never be the same again. I don't know how many times it was mentioned in this flick.

Another Pearce. Guy this time...

I wanted to watch The Green Hornet first. But as a Johnny Depp fan, I sure wouldn't want to miss this. I really didn't care about Angelina's curves. Kudos to those curves though. They blended in quite smoothly with the movie. No matter how much the camera shots were takin' emphasis on those curves, it still really didn't mean a thing.

Paul Bettany was put to good use in this one. Well actually, it was his natural accent that was used for good measure. He was from Scotland Yard in this flick.

Who were always put to shame by this guy.

Oops...

They're actually the same dude.

The shooting locations were picturesque. The aerial shots that is.

I wish they would shoot here too.

Breathtaking is the proper word for it. If the movie's quality depended on these aerial shots...

...then they could win themselves one of these.

The plot was kinda' stale to garner an Oscar though. Ex-Interpol/Scotland Yard agent goes rogue, then comes back to the good side to redeem herself and sorta' save the day and everything. The new twist here was Johnny Depp's character, Mr. Frank Tupelo. But for me, it's a flawed twist. Why you ask? Well, these spoilers on the next paragraph will show you.

This story kinda' revolved around Alexander Pearce(not that name again) who was like the banker/accountant of this certain English mob boss who always surrounds himself with Russian henchmen.

Russians, Russia's latest export.

Now Alexander was crazy enough to double-cross this mob boss, so he went into hiding with Elise Ward(Angelina Jolie) who was the undercover agent who went rogue.

Now somehow, Elise and Alexander got separated while they were hiding and Elise was supposed to meet him at this party. Now where is this all leading to you may ask?

Well it seems that Alexander had so much money that he did some major facial reconstruction to look like Johnny Depp. And he didn't tell Elise a single word about it 'til the end part.

Now tell me this. If Angelina flirted heavily(and even kissed) with Frank, then wouldn't Alexander be turned off by the fact that his girlfriend could easily fall in love with another guy the moment he turns his back? It's like your slutty girlfriend who you dump for the same obvious reasons.

I guess it's hard to dump your girlfriend if she's this hot.

All in all, 3.5 outta 10 due to the plot's gaping hole. 8 outta 10 for Depp's superb acting and Jolie's curves.

Curves, another one of Russia's major exports.

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