Captain America(The First Avenger)

When Captain America throws his mighty shield, well, it returns. Pretty cool eh? Kiddin' aside, this flick met many of my expectations.

One of these expectations was Captain America's abilities. I knew when I was a kid(around 2nd Grade) that he was no mutant, but he could do stuff that ordinary humans couldn't. And there he was, runnin' fast and jumpin' high and stuff.

All that stuff that Captain America does, you would know by playing Marvel Superheroes

Another expectation was Hugo Weaving's Red Skull portrayal. I knew that he could easily pull that stuff off!

I also expected The Red Skull to be noseless, just like any other skull.

I just didn't expect some inaccuracies when it came to WWII details. When it came to segregation, the blacks(or technically, the Afro-Americans) should have their own battalion or somethin'. But here in this flick, I caught a glimpse of a black dude training with the whites in boot camp.

A thorough lynching should be in place here.

Another inaccuracy was that Asian dude who said that he was "..from Fresno ace!". He shouldn't be there fighting in WWII for the Americans. He should be in those concentration camp-like thingies with the other Japs.

Since pictures of concentration camps would be inappropriate in this comedic review, here's Papa Smurf instead.

Another inaccuracy was of that guy who played Buck Compton in Band Of Brothers(my fave true war story TV series). He sported a mustache like Von Kaiser in Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Gen. Eisenhower would have that shaved in 0000 hrs, or in no time!

Wel what the heck?! This is a comic book adaptation anyway. To hell with historical accuracy! All I care about is the awesomeness of Captain America! He really kicked assholes!

I was also kinda' waitin' for this dude(Tommy Lee Jones) to get his ass kicked, which sadly didn't happen.

This gets an 8/10.
Minus .5 for Tommy Lee Jones not gettin' his as kicked.
Minus .5 for Chris Evans playin' two dudes in the same Marvel Universe.

As you can remember, this motherf*cker also played The Human Torch. The greedy bastard!

Overall rating is 7/10







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Cowboys And Aliens

At last, another one of 'em originals!

Thanks in part to this duck!

Well at least I thought it was. Turns out Jon Favreau adapted it from a graphic novel.

Nowadays, Hollywood's just gettin' lazier and lazier when it gets down to comin' up with original scripts.

They even made an amusement park adaptation.

Which helped get this guy set for about 50 lifetimes.

So it's quite refreshin' to see a movie like this one. It's also very pleasing to once again see a way past his prime Han Solo smirking on the silver screen.

I think the last time that I saw him on screen was in Hollywood Homicide.

Otherwise, this dude did a cameo in 500 Days Of Summer.

Jake Lonergan(Daniel Craig) is the epitome of a cowboy! He's a cow-MAN!(no homo)

Even if he did a brokeback threesome with these two, any man would still be the gay one when compared to Lonergan.

I believe the indians in this movie made Lonergan drink mescaline which made him recover from his amnesia caused by the aliens.

But for some reason, this was what Craig saw. Though it wasn't shown in the movie.

As for Sam Rockwell, well a goody-two shoe'd bartender just doesn't appeal to me much.

7.5 is the rating for this flick.
Plus .5 for Harrison Ford just bein' there, acting like a true cowboy colonel!




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Happyland

Another 1 of 'em documentaries. Oh shoot! I forgot. This is a flick. I was just thinkin' that it would've been nicer for it to be a docu. No offense. The cinematography wasn't really top-flite. But I loved the actors!

My favorite of course was the Spanish priest who has the cute Tagalog accent. He's a missionary from Spain who came here a long time ago(I remember it was 50 years ago or something in the movie). He clearly notices the Pinoys' passion for basketball over football.

Or soccer for sissies.

He takes note of the most obvious factor, that Filipinos are just too small to be playing a big man's game.

Don't ask me how these cagers got to the olympics.

On the other hand, he mentions that Pinoys are quick and agile, and don't need height to excel in football, or somethin' to that effect. I actually thought about the exact same thing billions of years ago.

This shit only goes back to the millions.

That Filipinos(or "Philippinos" to some foreigners) are built for the sport. Look at Japan and Korea. We could easily hand their asses to 'em in MMA and boxing. But in football? We're just seedlings, and they're fuckin' sequoia redwoods! Or maybe just acacias, the Brazilians and Europeans are the redwoods. Dickwise though, we're redwoods, and they're bamboos! Or am I just speakin' for a few of us here?

Well anyway, even if this flick ain't perfect, it still did 1 good thing. And that was to spread the gospel of football. It had a heavy load of trivia in it. Like the fact that a Filipino who played for FC Barcelona holds the record for most goals scored in the Spanish League. I forgot the stats, but I did some Math and it came out that this dude scores a goal a game on average!

Even Messi couldn't do that shit!

Another trivia(which actually came from the director himself when he spoke to us after the show) was about Tondo, which was the movie's setting. It was about the football situation there. I thought that only Barotac Nuevo and some other hardcore football town or city had solid fanbases. I didn't know that in Tondo, you could easily create a football league comprising of at least 10 teams!

Take that, Philippine basketball!

The acting wasn't really Gawad Urian level. But I cried when the main protagonist wept towards the end because he remembered his teammate friend who ended up in prison. Any kind of acting that could move me into tears is a good kind of acting! I hope that most of his mainstream contemporaries could do that. You know, act good!

My grade for this flick is a 3 out of 10.
+1 for makin' me a crybaby towards the end.
+2 for spreading the gospel of football.
Overall rating, 6/10.






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Rio

This was just another fun, kiddie movie. Honestly, there was nothin' else to watch, so I chose this eye candy. Plus I plan on goin' to Brazil for the 2014 World Cup. This flick would show everything I need to know about Brazil!

Just like watchin' Slumdog Millionaire, which showed us everything we needed to know about India.

Anyway, this flick kinda' reminded me a li'l bit about Happy Feet. They were birds too. Hence the similarity.

Though Happy Feet didn't have this dude doin' voice-overs.

Hidden gem here is Tracy Morgan, who did the voice of the bulldog Luiz. Too bad he was only shown towards the climax of the movie, when they were about to go to the Rio Carnival.

This is a film that I could watch in 3D, but no thanks. I'd rather watch it on DVD. I give this a 4.5 out of 10.
-2 for choosing Will I Am.
+3 for including my boy Jamie Foxx.
-.5 for choosing Will I Am over a role that Jamie Foxx could've played better!





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The King's Speech

Colin Firth stuttered his way to an Oscar here. That's for sure! My Boy James Franco should have bagged best actor if you ask me.

Not necessarily(hi-way) robbery, but you get the picture.

Well in all fairview(fairness), Mr. Firth here stuttered excellently. He should be knighted for his stuttering exploits. Seems like he did a lot of research on the different types of stuttering and stammering. Geoffrey Rush couldn't have stammered better.

It would be an exaggeration.

I really wanted to bitchslap Colin. or whoever that Duke is playin', when he was bein' furious because of his handicap. Lionel Logue(Rush), a speech therapist was trying his best to help him overcome his speech impairment, and yet here he was bein' such a dick about it.

Dick!

An overall 4.5 outta 10 because I got sleepy durin' certain parts.
(+2) because of the only 2 bright spots in this film(for me that is), which were Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham Carter.






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