Role Models

Whoever didn't have a role model growin' up is a spirit or somethin'. We all have our role models, whether good or bad. And this is what this movie's all about, havin' a role model. And in this case, Danny(Paul Rudd) and Wheeler(Sean William Scott).

If you have these two as real life role models, then the movie's just the same thing.

Kudos to this movie for turnin' me on to KISS. Yeah I know Gene Simmons was a sex rocker who claims to have bedded thousands of women.

Which is pure BS judging from the looks of this guy.

But I was caught unawares that their sound could make me bang my head(even for just a li'l bit).

And all along, I though that they were just the Mickey Mouse of rock'n roll.

My view of Sean William Scott's acting went up plenty of notches. His gesture when he said "Gotcha!" to Paul Rudd when they threw the surprise party was unplanned I believe. It was a genius adlib!

Paul Rudd really looked kinda' like Ben Affleck. Thanks to the li'l black dude(Ronnie) pointing that out. Elizabeth Banks was, well, just Elizabeth Banks. Nothin' extraordinary about what she did here.


But the hidden gem here is none other than Jane Lynch. I LOL'd when she started dancing from behind the TV set before she started her adult-kiddie sessions.

Yes. Snorting coke could do that to a person, and more!

I don't feel like the Russian Judge in rating this flick. So I give it a 5.5
+ 1.5 for Ken Jeong and Jane Lynch making it even funnier.

Just looking at this guy's face could make me laugh all day!

*images from http://blogmedia.dramafever.com, http://signsofcocaineuse.com, psychologytoday.com, prlog.org, scenicreflections.com, http://iamatvjunkie.typepad.com/

Star Power(Mayweather VS Ortiz)

Josesito Lopez-Jesse Vargas

Lopez comes into this fight with more experience. But after the 1st round, he's the one who's bloodied with a cut lip. The battering basically continued until the 3rd round, when Vargas suddenly ate some Lopez knuckles. The round ended with Lopez bangin' away. Vargas' knees even buckled!

Vargas' knee.

In rounds 4 and 5, Lopez was the more aggressive one. But Vargas was the one who was landing the cleaner shots. Despite these clean landings, Vargas was rocked a li'l bit once again.

In the 8th round, Lopez received a low blow by Vargas. Lopez almost automatically had this round 10-8. After that losing round, Vargas seemed to have found another gear, albeit with rubbery legs.

now in the 10th and final round, Vargas almost wen out, but it wasn't enough for Lopez. Vargas wins via split decision!


Adonis Stevenson VS Dion Savage

This was one for the super-middleweights. Heavy punchers I should say. In the opening round, Adonis "Superman" Stevenson from Quebec Canada showed everyone why he's Superman. He had Savage kissin' the canvas. Refere Tony Weeks gave him another chance to fight, but he blew it.Savage wasn't returning any shots so Weeks said that enough was enough. Stevenson wins via TKO.

I don't know why they're so many of 'em black Supermans!

Pablo Cesar Cano VS Erik "El Terrible" Morales

I really don't know anything about Cano. Except that he looks like one young tyke. He basically just outboxes Erik in the opening round.

Now in the following round, Cano had the edge  in punches landed, cutting off Morales' angles. Though El Terrible showed how wily he was, by doin' the basic 1-2's. which more or less connected. This kind of boxing continued 'till the 3rd, where I think Morales stole because he was kinda' bullying Cano, showing the young pup his place.

At this point, I grew hungry, so I decided to grab a quarter pounder and fries. When I came back in the 10th, Cano was a bloody mess! Seemed like Morales used his experience to rack up some points. Erik Morales wins via ref stoppage to get the WBC Lightweight Championship of the World.


Saul "Canelo" Alvarez VS Alfonso Gomez

This Super Welterweight bout was Live from the Staples Center. Which was kinda' weird because Starpower is actually in the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, NV. But anyway, on with the program.

The 1st round was kinda' interesting. As Gomez was duckin' in, he ate a left hook from Alvarez which floored him. The 2nd round was a li'l different for Gomez was sending some body-head-body shots to Canelo. The roud ended with chants of  "Canelo" echoin' all throughout the Staples Center.

I still don't really know WTF Canelo means, and I'm too lazy to Google.

In the 3rd, Gomez had an elbow in, and therefore was booed. After that round, Gomez had a slip. Then a barrage from Gomez commences, with Alvarez cleverly doin' a shoulder roll to avoid damage, and at the same time deliverin' counters of his own. A counter upper actually rocked Gomez.

Same thing happened in the 5th, with Gomez bringin' on the pressure. But Canelo just seemed to relax to back down. I should say the kid's pretty good!

I initially thought that the ref prematurely stopped the fight in the 6th. But if you're the ref, the 13th unanswered punch could be bad news for the boxer who's getting beaten to a pulp. Alvarez wins via TKO.


Floyd "Money" Mayweather VS "Vicious" Victor Ortiz

This is just like a typical Money fight, with lots of pugilists and celebs in attendance like Paulie Malignaggi, Hearns, Sugar Ray Leonard, Winky Wright, Jamie Foxx, 50 Cent(who was actually part of Floyd's entourage when he entered the ring), Magic Johnson, Denzel Washington, Mike Tyson, Oscar Dela Hoya, P Diddy, Mark Wahlberg, etc. I also was confused because Floyd was comin' in as the challenger, and yet he owned the red corner and came in last. You could plainly see the dirty world of boxing politics comin' into play there.

Of course, the opening round belonged to Money. But Ortiz somehow managed to sneak in 2 heavy ones. Looked like FLoyd didn't like gettin' hit. Same story in the next round, with Money shaken up again. Though Money's just too fuckin' fast. He even threw some strange straight rights, where he was stomping his feet after the punch. It wasn't weird for me. It was just genius how he does it.

In the 3rd, the speed difference really showed. Ortiz can't catch the Road Runner in Mayweather. He really makes stickin' and movin' beautiful to watch.

Now the 4th round was where the interesting stuff happened. Ortiz stupidly gave Floyd a head butt while he had him cornered. Tough luck for Ortiz, since he had a point taken against him. It was now almost impossible to catch up on points so a KO in the usual Ortiz fashion was Ortiz's ticket to victory. After the also stupid ref named Joe Cortez separated the two, the two fighters once again shook hands, with stupid Joe looking at the judges table. It was here that Money gave a sucker punch in the form of a mini left hook. This dazed Ortiz just a li'l bit so he looked to Joe to complain. This was another stupidity in Ortiz's part because he wasn't protecting himself so it gave Money an opportunity to sneak in a straight right while Ortiz wasn't lookin'.

Now you can call Floyd a cheater because in reality, he could have just waited for things to settle down, and he would still win the fight. Victor couldn't catch up with him anyway. and he also wasted my money because I was expecting a 12-rounder! Or at least a 6th or 7th rounder for Ortiz is notorious for gassin' out in the 6th. A big boo for Floyd. Can't wait for the Pacman to beat him. Though I would still imagine that this would be a tall order for Manny for how would he catch Mayweather? That's the question. Floyd's fuckin' bionic!








*images from outfitterssupply.com, http://weedoom.com, http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com, http://getsports24.com

Transformers 3(Dark Of The Moon)

I was just blown away. I mean, really. The debris on me was so thick. I wasn't bored. Though the 3D-ness wasn't that excellent. Autobots and Decepticons weren't jumpin' at me. I like stuff like that.

Anyway, it's sad to see Ironhide die. He's one of the toughest motherfuckers in the history of the Autobots. And yet there he was, shriveled and dead. Like your old man's penis.

Underneath all that shit is the dead body of Ironhide.

I'm just glad that they didn't focus on human character development that much. I mean, Megan Fox's replacement was hot and all(most especially the accent). but who fuckin' cares about Sam Witcicky's love life?!

Not important.

And Shia should be dead too! I can't see why Starscream couldn't bring him all the way to the Stratosphere, then slam him down to the ground. Just because Sam Witwicky was hangin' from his eye, doesn't mean that he can't fly high.

The face of robot stupidity.

I was like a giddy kid upon seein' Sentinel Prime. The reason being that he's the first Prime that I've seen who came before Optimus Prime. I know there was an excerpt of the ancient Primes at the beginning of the 80's cartoon series. But I was just too damn young to recall.

And why won't they just kill Megatron and let him come back as Galvatron? That would be way cooler, since the Autobots always end up winning anyway. They should place a formidable opponent before the Autobots to make shit much more interesting.

My rating for this flick is a 6/10.
+ 1 for replacing that slut named Megan Fox.






*images from http://a4.l3-images.myspacecdn.com, http://img2.timeinc.net, pictures19.com, http://images.wikia.com

The Hangover(Part 2)

A funny sequel to an original that was just as funny. I knew that this franchise would deliver the goods that we Hangover fans were all askin' for.

My bro and I were actually hoping that this should've been done here in the Philippines, since this place is off the chain man! But I guess gettin' paperwork done there in Thailand to shoot the film is way way easier than the ever so slow process of gettin' stuff done here.

And with these bastards on the loose, you might as well forget about it.

The ultimate comic relief here of course is my boy Zach. I'm just amazed because a fat guy like him could be funny, and yet avoid antics that are usually associated with Jack Blacks and Chris Farleys.

In short, he doesn't have to snort coke and be stupid.

I dunno why Chris Cooper is associated with the funnies to begin with. I've got 2 theories. 1st is that the flick just needed a hot guy so they cast him. 2nd is that Chris has been long time friends with these dudes.

As for the other guys, I just didn't really notice 'em that much. Though I admit that I laughed at the dentist in some scenes.

Any guy with this tatt on his face is laughable in my book.

The big surprise here of course was Mike Tyson himself. He kinda' did a Manny Pacquiao by bustin' his vocal chops, no matter how off-key. It's still cute though, his singin' that is.

But his face? No!

I grade this flick 7/10.
+ .5 for Tyson doin' a Manny Pacquiao.







*images from pukmedia.com, http://1.bp.blogspot.com, nypost.com, http://2.bp.blogspot.com, vanishingtattoo.com

Captain America(The First Avenger)

When Captain America throws his mighty shield, well, it returns. Pretty cool eh? Kiddin' aside, this flick met many of my expectations.

One of these expectations was Captain America's abilities. I knew when I was a kid(around 2nd Grade) that he was no mutant, but he could do stuff that ordinary humans couldn't. And there he was, runnin' fast and jumpin' high and stuff.

All that stuff that Captain America does, you would know by playing Marvel Superheroes

Another expectation was Hugo Weaving's Red Skull portrayal. I knew that he could easily pull that stuff off!

I also expected The Red Skull to be noseless, just like any other skull.

I just didn't expect some inaccuracies when it came to WWII details. When it came to segregation, the blacks(or technically, the Afro-Americans) should have their own battalion or somethin'. But here in this flick, I caught a glimpse of a black dude training with the whites in boot camp.

A thorough lynching should be in place here.

Another inaccuracy was that Asian dude who said that he was "..from Fresno ace!". He shouldn't be there fighting in WWII for the Americans. He should be in those concentration camp-like thingies with the other Japs.

Since pictures of concentration camps would be inappropriate in this comedic review, here's Papa Smurf instead.

Another inaccuracy was of that guy who played Buck Compton in Band Of Brothers(my fave true war story TV series). He sported a mustache like Von Kaiser in Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Gen. Eisenhower would have that shaved in 0000 hrs, or in no time!

Wel what the heck?! This is a comic book adaptation anyway. To hell with historical accuracy! All I care about is the awesomeness of Captain America! He really kicked assholes!

I was also kinda' waitin' for this dude(Tommy Lee Jones) to get his ass kicked, which sadly didn't happen.

This gets an 8/10.
Minus .5 for Tommy Lee Jones not gettin' his as kicked.
Minus .5 for Chris Evans playin' two dudes in the same Marvel Universe.

As you can remember, this motherf*cker also played The Human Torch. The greedy bastard!

Overall rating is 7/10







*images from 2.bp.blogspot.com, 4.bp.blogspot.com, 2d-x.com, freewebs.com, 1.bp.blogspot.com, fastfatburning.org, labyrinthfilm.com

Cowboys And Aliens

At last, another one of 'em originals!

Thanks in part to this duck!

Well at least I thought it was. Turns out Jon Favreau adapted it from a graphic novel.

Nowadays, Hollywood's just gettin' lazier and lazier when it gets down to comin' up with original scripts.

They even made an amusement park adaptation.

Which helped get this guy set for about 50 lifetimes.

So it's quite refreshin' to see a movie like this one. It's also very pleasing to once again see a way past his prime Han Solo smirking on the silver screen.

I think the last time that I saw him on screen was in Hollywood Homicide.

Otherwise, this dude did a cameo in 500 Days Of Summer.

Jake Lonergan(Daniel Craig) is the epitome of a cowboy! He's a cow-MAN!(no homo)

Even if he did a brokeback threesome with these two, any man would still be the gay one when compared to Lonergan.

I believe the indians in this movie made Lonergan drink mescaline which made him recover from his amnesia caused by the aliens.

But for some reason, this was what Craig saw. Though it wasn't shown in the movie.

As for Sam Rockwell, well a goody-two shoe'd bartender just doesn't appeal to me much.

7.5 is the rating for this flick.
Plus .5 for Harrison Ford just bein' there, acting like a true cowboy colonel!




*images from grouchoreviews.com, 25.media.tumblr.com, blog.allanellenberger.com, gifbin.com, whysoblu.com, filmofilia.com, bestmoviewebsites.com, land.allears.net, celebrific.com, thevine.com.au

Happyland

Another 1 of 'em documentaries. Oh shoot! I forgot. This is a flick. I was just thinkin' that it would've been nicer for it to be a docu. No offense. The cinematography wasn't really top-flite. But I loved the actors!

My favorite of course was the Spanish priest who has the cute Tagalog accent. He's a missionary from Spain who came here a long time ago(I remember it was 50 years ago or something in the movie). He clearly notices the Pinoys' passion for basketball over football.

Or soccer for sissies.

He takes note of the most obvious factor, that Filipinos are just too small to be playing a big man's game.

Don't ask me how these cagers got to the olympics.

On the other hand, he mentions that Pinoys are quick and agile, and don't need height to excel in football, or somethin' to that effect. I actually thought about the exact same thing billions of years ago.

This shit only goes back to the millions.

That Filipinos(or "Philippinos" to some foreigners) are built for the sport. Look at Japan and Korea. We could easily hand their asses to 'em in MMA and boxing. But in football? We're just seedlings, and they're fuckin' sequoia redwoods! Or maybe just acacias, the Brazilians and Europeans are the redwoods. Dickwise though, we're redwoods, and they're bamboos! Or am I just speakin' for a few of us here?

Well anyway, even if this flick ain't perfect, it still did 1 good thing. And that was to spread the gospel of football. It had a heavy load of trivia in it. Like the fact that a Filipino who played for FC Barcelona holds the record for most goals scored in the Spanish League. I forgot the stats, but I did some Math and it came out that this dude scores a goal a game on average!

Even Messi couldn't do that shit!

Another trivia(which actually came from the director himself when he spoke to us after the show) was about Tondo, which was the movie's setting. It was about the football situation there. I thought that only Barotac Nuevo and some other hardcore football town or city had solid fanbases. I didn't know that in Tondo, you could easily create a football league comprising of at least 10 teams!

Take that, Philippine basketball!

The acting wasn't really Gawad Urian level. But I cried when the main protagonist wept towards the end because he remembered his teammate friend who ended up in prison. Any kind of acting that could move me into tears is a good kind of acting! I hope that most of his mainstream contemporaries could do that. You know, act good!

My grade for this flick is a 3 out of 10.
+1 for makin' me a crybaby towards the end.
+2 for spreading the gospel of football.
Overall rating, 6/10.






*images from profile.ak.fbcdn.net, upperninetysports.com, myspacecdn.com, libraryzone.wikispaces.com, topnews.in, i.ytimg.com

Rio

This was just another fun, kiddie movie. Honestly, there was nothin' else to watch, so I chose this eye candy. Plus I plan on goin' to Brazil for the 2014 World Cup. This flick would show everything I need to know about Brazil!

Just like watchin' Slumdog Millionaire, which showed us everything we needed to know about India.

Anyway, this flick kinda' reminded me a li'l bit about Happy Feet. They were birds too. Hence the similarity.

Though Happy Feet didn't have this dude doin' voice-overs.

Hidden gem here is Tracy Morgan, who did the voice of the bulldog Luiz. Too bad he was only shown towards the climax of the movie, when they were about to go to the Rio Carnival.

This is a film that I could watch in 3D, but no thanks. I'd rather watch it on DVD. I give this a 4.5 out of 10.
-2 for choosing Will I Am.
+3 for including my boy Jamie Foxx.
-.5 for choosing Will I Am over a role that Jamie Foxx could've played better!





*images from poptower.com, millionaireacts.com, celebrity-sunglasses-finder.com

The King's Speech

Colin Firth stuttered his way to an Oscar here. That's for sure! My Boy James Franco should have bagged best actor if you ask me.

Not necessarily(hi-way) robbery, but you get the picture.

Well in all fairview(fairness), Mr. Firth here stuttered excellently. He should be knighted for his stuttering exploits. Seems like he did a lot of research on the different types of stuttering and stammering. Geoffrey Rush couldn't have stammered better.

It would be an exaggeration.

I really wanted to bitchslap Colin. or whoever that Duke is playin', when he was bein' furious because of his handicap. Lionel Logue(Rush), a speech therapist was trying his best to help him overcome his speech impairment, and yet here he was bein' such a dick about it.

Dick!

An overall 4.5 outta 10 because I got sleepy durin' certain parts.
(+2) because of the only 2 bright spots in this film(for me that is), which were Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham Carter.






*images from ridelust.com, umnet.com, http://walmerconvenience.files.wordpress.com

Temptation Island(2011)

This was a remake from a 1980 cult classic, which was originally a Fox TV series(thanks Google!). I believe I wasn't one of the cult though.

T.I. fans, headed by their cult leader.

I didn't even know who the actresses were in the original.

I was thinkin' that she might be one of 'em, but she ain't.

This flick was just total nonsense. The plot just revolved around a bunch of people gettin' stuck on a desert island(in Pagudpod?), starving, hallucinating, and havin' sex. There was even this editing glitch wherein the Manila Sunshine(a shampoo brand or sunblock, whatever...) Model Search promoter or somethin'(an elderly lady in the film named Mrs. Syjuco, who I believe was one of the original cast) went up to the catwalk to do some announcements. Then the next shot showed her once again seated beside the catwalk. Now WTF GMA editing crew?! You guys can do better than that!

My favorite actress was of course, Ruffa Mae Quinto. She was the comic relief and brought life to an otherwise dull remake.

Without her, this film's a bust.

Marian isn't just a pretty face. I didn't know she could be wacky too. Which is absolutely a turn-on for men like me. Her actions could be extremely unrefined. Not suitable for a woman with her looks. But she's able to pull it off! I'm not turned on by her "palengkera" voice though. Like an elderly woman shouting out stuff that she sells.

Like Echo, Marian was also originally discovered in the marketplace.

Solenn is a traitor. I didn't have the hots for her, at all! But as the movie went along, she seemed to transform into something like a gummy bear, somethin' yummy. Or something of that sort.

Solenn is actually part Hebrew, and could trace her roots back to Judas Iscariot himself.

Heart Evangelista shouldn't be in the roster at all. She ain't sexy. And Lovi Poe? I can't say anything because there's really nothin'. They could've just swapped someone like Rhiann Ramos and some other "Star Struck chick" in their places.

There you go.

This movie really wasn't anything except for a few laughs. 4/10 for me.







*images from williambranhamhomepage.org, dahandahanlang.com, http://3.bp.blogspot.com, http://3.bp.blogspot.com, http://1.bp.blogspot.com, http://stbrigidccd.com